Pumpster 
Pumpster, that's it.
Fatpanda at least acknowledged he needed to lose weight.
I had an acquaintance that was like our former resident king of Kit Kat kingdom. This dude was a former Division I college athlete, so one would think he knew how to get himself in shape.
I honestly thought he was joking with his requests. He knew I was very into strength training, so I assumed when he said: "I want you to help me get in shape" that he meant he wanted me to design a program that he could do in any gym, and he knew that I would teach him how to properly squat, chin and dip (to me, the cornerstone of any program, and the very least of what ANYONE should be doing, provided they can chin and dip--if not, then we move onto something that will get them to chin/dip).
Anyhow, we meet up and he is in far worse shape than I could have imagined. He is borderline diabetic, and is 280 lbs. with almost zero muscle. I tried not to be hard on the guy, and I know he is not going to be able to chin or dip, so I tell him that I will meet him at the gym and help him for a few sessions (he was home for the holidays on vacation back in our town to visit family).
He tells me how he hates to train in a gym, and he wants to do everything outside. I tell him he needs strength training to build some muscle. He doesn't want to do that.
I ask him about his diet (I notice he is drinking Coke, and I am drinking unsweetened iced green tea--the place we met for lunch has this on the menu).
He tells me he hates coffee, so he drinks Coke. I ask him how many a day, and I cringe at the answer. He tells me he drinks about a 2 liter a day. At this point I think the dude has had a labotomy since we last saw each other.
Do you eat sweets? He then tells me how he works in an office that has bowls of M&M's, bowls of the little snack sized candy bars, etc. Okay, how many of those do you eat a day? He tells me that he eats up to 10 of these snack sized bars a day (which I estimated to be about 3 candy bars worth) and a "couple" of handfuls of M&M's.
I look at him and ask him if he wants to die. He says: "Of course not." I tell him that he needs to be strong willed and cut out all of the fucking soda and candy he eats each day. Just do that for 4 weeks, and then give me a call. THEN you can start to clean your body up. But you are killing yourself from the inside, man!!!
Now this is a guy who makes a VERY good living, and graduated from a University where he played Division I baseball as a starter.
I couldn't believe how dumb he was when it came to diet.
