Would You Buy a $40,000 Gym Membership to Live Longer? Equinox Thinks So
The luxury gym's new 'Longevity' membership will pair you with a fitness trainer, nutrition coach, sleep coach and massage therapist
by Charna Flam

Luxury fitness club Equinox is offering a new way for its members to meet their goals — and it comes with a high price tag.

Equinox is launching a new program, “Optimize by Equinox,” to provide members with a personalized health program that covers everything from personal training and nutrition plans to sleep coaching and massage therapy, per CNBC.

Members will pay $40,000 a year for this program, $3,000 a month on top of their regular Equinox gym membership. The minimum length of membership is six months.

The program will run in partnership with lab-test startup Function Health. First, Function Health will conduct comprehensive biotesting of 100 biomarkers, including heart, liver, kidney, metabolic and immune systems, as well as cancer markers and nutrients.

Next, Equinox will run its own fitness tests, including VO2 max, strength, and movement range.

After both sets of tests, an Equinox “concierge” will gather the data to design a personalized plan for the member — who will then work with a fitness trainer, a nutrition coach, a sleep coach and a massage therapist for a total of 16 hours of coaching each month.

The trainer will work with the member three times a week for 60 minutes, while the nutrition and sleep coaches will host two half-hour sessions a month. The massage therapist will administer one session per month.

Members in New York City and Highland Park, Texas, will have the first opportunities to try out the Optimize program. It will be available starting at the end of May.

The program will roll out to other states, and those with the membership will be able to train at Equinox’s elite “E Clubs.”

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“Equinox has always been known to anticipate consumer needs and to come up with programs to support them,” Julia Klim, vice president of strategic partnerships and business development at Equinox, told Fortune. “Coaching by designing around movement, nutrition, and regeneration is something we have been doing for years and are now essentially upleveling it.”

“Living 100 healthy years doesn’t happen inside of a doctor’s office,” Jonathan Swerdlin, co-founder of Function Health said, per CNBC. “It happens in your daily decisions. And it also happens with the way in which you exercise, and Equinox really helps close the loop on that.”

Equinox currently operates 107 locations globally and plans to open new clubs in Philadelphia and the Pacific Palisades, Calif., later this year.

Whatever. If they spent their time raising you, wiping your ass when you were a baby, waking up in the middle of the night to feed you, taking you to the doctor for ear infections or the million fucking chores you have to do when a child enters your life you have responsiblities towards them whether you like them or not.

Man the fuck up.