Author Topic: MusclePhone TESTIMONIES!  (Read 11069 times)

The Squadfather

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Re: Your MusclePhone testimonies!
« Reply #75 on: April 02, 2008, 03:58:34 PM »
not only am i a Musclephone customer, i'm also the president.

HowieW

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Re: Your MusclePhone testimonies!
« Reply #76 on: April 02, 2008, 04:06:21 PM »
My dog was consitpated , couldn't take a dump , and sat on my cell phone . Soon enough the buzz of a new muscle phone text came on. The vibration stimulated her bowels. Here is she is happy and crapping again, thanks muscle phone . My dog's ass works again , thanks to YOU!

Muslce Phone = no backed up doggy  bunghole, thanks MF
Kelly Ryan married well!  Free Titus!

kiwiol

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Re: Your MusclePhone testimonies!
« Reply #77 on: April 02, 2008, 04:10:22 PM »
My dog was consitpated , couldn't take a dump

You weren't 'accidentally' pushing the stool in, were you? >:(

Original Sin

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Re: Your MusclePhone testimonies!
« Reply #78 on: April 03, 2008, 11:41:28 AM »
Last Saturday night a few of the girls and I from the “office” were finishing our shifts and were turned on by the night of dancing, stroking, and mmmm kissing we just had to burn off the extra sexual tension before we went home.  After all the customers went home we all went into the VIP room to have our tension releasing pillow fight.  After about twenty minutes of erotic aggression and many “illegal” ripping the clothing off our hot, sweaty bodies we just had to soothe the “battle wounds” created from the feather pillows.

Knowing the best way to relieve a pillow fight stroking is with a pair of wet lips.  There were many pairs of nipples that needed extensive treatment.  All of us ladies realised that other more sensitive parts may have also been “injured” in the battle and just for safety's sake we thought it was best to place soothing kisses on those areas as well.

We also found a couple of girls that had been playing unfair and had to be restrained and given sound spankings for their naughty indiscretions.

After sometime had passed we noticed a gentlemen sitting in the corner watching us.  He must have come in during the “war” as we were all sure that our display was a private affair at the start.  This gentleman had a blackberry in one hand and “something” in the other.  When he noticed that he was “found out” he did up his jeans and left.  As he was leaving has was looking at his Blackberry and we overheard him say

“Thanks Musclephone”
Just Bad Bad Blood!

Colossus_1986

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Re: Your MusclePhone testimonies!
« Reply #79 on: April 03, 2008, 11:51:42 AM »
Last Saturday night a few of the girls and I from the “office” were finishing our shifts and were turned on by the night of dancing, stroking, and mmmm kissing we just had to burn off the extra sexual tension before we went home.  After all the customers went home we all went into the VIP room to have our tension releasing pillow fight.  After about twenty minutes of erotic aggression and many “illegal” ripping the clothing off our hot, sweaty bodies we just had to soothe the “battle wounds” created from the feather pillows.

Knowing the best way to relieve a pillow fight stroking is with a pair of wet lips.  There were many pairs of nipples that needed extensive treatment.  All of us ladies realised that other more sensitive parts may have also been “injured” in the battle and just for safety's sake we thought it was best to place soothing kisses on those areas as well.

We also found a couple of girls that had been playing unfair and had to be restrained and given sound spankings for their naughty indiscretions.

After sometime had passed we noticed a gentlemen sitting in the corner watching us.  He must have come in during the “war” as we were all sure that our display was a private affair at the start.  This gentleman had a blackberry in one hand and “something” in the other.  When he noticed that he was “found out” he did up his jeans and left.  As he was leaving has was looking at his Blackberry and we overheard him say

“Thanks Musclephone”


LMAOOOO


thisiskeith12

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Re: Your MusclePhone testimonies!
« Reply #80 on: April 03, 2008, 12:42:24 PM »
We need some of these people with good MP testimonies to call in the show and give their testimonies on the air.

Blockhead

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Re: Your MusclePhone testimonies!
« Reply #81 on: April 03, 2008, 01:45:38 PM »

 What an great night it was last night. Was it a stroke of LUCK or was it a stroke of 'MusclePhone'? I met up with a buddy of mine at a local dive bar to watch the Chicago Blackhawks/Detroit Redwings game and crack the top off of a few Heinekens. My buddy being a huge Redwings fan asked me if I wanted to place a little bet. I agreed. He said the Wings will win my 2 and if they WIN then I owe him $50 and if they win by 2 goals...an additional $20 for each goal. Trying to decide how I wanted to wager it a familiar 'jingle' was overheard as I knew it was my 'MusclePhone'. The first MusclePhone message said..."Phil Heath ate 4 solid meals today." The other message that came through said that ''Big Sean Allen stands at 6'2...NOT 6'1.'' An epiphany came over me and I decided to go with my gut and bet that the Hawks would win by FOUR...and the exact score would be Hawks-6, Wings-2. With calling the exact score the agreement was an additional $50.

 Well? It turns out after the game I was an extra $180 more rich as the Hawks whipped the Wings with a final score of 6-2.


 Thanks, Musclephone!
?

delta9mda

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Re: Your MusclePhone testimonies!
« Reply #82 on: April 03, 2008, 01:46:33 PM »
yo, muscle phone aint working over here. isaac?

Special Ed

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Re: Your MusclePhone testimonies!
« Reply #83 on: April 03, 2008, 03:57:41 PM »
I was up late last night celebrating the losses of Karo Parisyan, Joe Lauzon, and Houston Alexander at Ultimate Fight Night and having a few shots of Knob Creek. Anyway, after watching the LIVE show at 7pm and the replay at 1am, I didn't get to bed until around 4am. When my alarm went off at 6:30am to wake up and take my grandmother back to the nursing home for breakfast, I was so tired I hit 'SNOOZE' and wonked out again.

I woke up to the lovely feeling of a set of high-powered Hoover lips fellating me. With my eyes still closed, I reached down to feel the soft hair of my girl, but instead felt something closer to steel wool. I opened my eyes and saw my grandmother face down, her face in my lap, my cock buried in her throat and her false teeth resting on my stomach.

"GRAMMA!!!!!" I screamed.

"Norman??" she asked, squinting up at me, while still stroking the shaft.

Oh Christ! Norman was my grandfather, who's been dead for 11 years.

Rather than deal with the awkwardness of the moment and embarrass Gramma, I put on my 'old man voice' and said, "Feels good honey, now keep at it!" and watched her go back to work. By the time I gave her the recommended RDA of protein for her age group, I was overwhelmed with guilt and shame.  I politely Cung Lee'd her in the gut and heard her tumble onto the floor, then jumped up and ran into the shower. I was sandpapering my cock for the eleventh time when I heard Gramma enter the bathroom.

"Norman, your electric razor won't stop BUZZING!"

I wiped off the foggy glass and saw her holding my Musclephone.

"That's not my razor, that's my Musclephone!" I shouted, but it was too late. She opened the door and after "shaving" my back a few times, dropped the phone on the wet floor.

I picked it up and could immediately tell it was already ruined. The screen was jumbled with a mix of colors and characters last seen in a Spike Lee joint. "FFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCC CCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!" I screamed, "you fucking ruined my Musclephone you toothless whore!"

Completely oblivious to my rage, she smiled at me and said: "Did you know Kai Greene puts grapefruit slices in his Rice Krispies?"

Thanks Musclephone!
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The Squadfather

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Re: Your MusclePhone testimonies!
« Reply #84 on: April 03, 2008, 03:59:26 PM »
what did you think of the Cung Li/Frank Shamrock fight, Ed?

McFarland

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Re: Your MusclePhone testimonies!
« Reply #85 on: April 03, 2008, 04:06:02 PM »
I was up late last night celebrating the losses of Karo Parisyan, Joe Lauzon, and Houston Alexander at Ultimate Fight Night and having a few shots of Knob Creek. Anyway, after watching the LIVE show at 7pm and the replay at 1am, I didn't get to bed until around 4am. When my alarm went off at 6:30am to wake up and take my grandmother back to the nursing home for breakfast, I was so tired I hit 'SNOOZE' and wonked out again.

I woke up to the lovely feeling of a set of high-powered Hoover lips fellating me. With my eyes still closed, I reached down to feel the soft hair of my girl, but instead felt something closer to steel wool. I opened my eyes and saw my grandmother face down, her face in my lap, my cock buried in her throat and her false teeth resting on my stomach.

"GRAMMA!!!!!" I screamed.

"Norman??" she asked, squinting up at me, while still stroking the shaft.

Oh Christ! Norman was my grandfather, who's been dead for 11 years.

Rather than deal with the awkwardness of the moment and embarrass Gramma, I put on my 'old man voice' and said, "Feels good honey, now keep at it!" and watched her go back to work. By the time I gave her the recommended RDA of protein for her age group, I was overwhelmed with guilt and shame.  I politely Cung Lee'd her in the gut and heard her tumble onto the floor, then jumped up and ran into the shower. I was sandpapering my cock for the eleventh time when I heard Gramma enter the bathroom.

"Norman, your electric razor won't stop BUZZING!"

I wiped off the foggy glass and saw her holding my Musclephone.

"That's not my razor, that's my Musclephone!" I shouted, but it was too late. She opened the door and after "shaving" my back a few times, dropped the phone on the wet floor.

I picked it up and could immediately tell it was already ruined. The screen was jumbled with a mix of colors and characters last seen in a Spike Lee joint. "FFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCC CCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!" I screamed, "you fucking ruined my Musclephone you toothless whore!"

Completely oblivious to my rage, she smiled at me and said: "Did you know Kai Greene puts grapefruit slices in his Rice Krispies?"

Thanks Musclephone!


 ;D ;D ;D

Special Ed

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Re: Your MusclePhone testimonies!
« Reply #86 on: April 03, 2008, 10:28:55 PM »
Bump for more tales of Musclephone excellence!
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Blockhead

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Re: Your MusclePhone testimonies!
« Reply #87 on: April 04, 2008, 10:49:32 AM »

 "Thanks, Musclephone!"
?

natural al

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Re: Your MusclePhone testimonies!
« Reply #88 on: April 04, 2008, 12:17:36 PM »
What an great night it was last night. Was it a stroke of LUCK or was it a stroke of 'MusclePhone'? I met up with a buddy of mine at a local dive bar to watch the Chicago Blackhawks/Detroit Redwings game and crack the top off of a few Heinekens. My buddy being a huge Redwings fan asked me if I wanted to place a little bet. I agreed. He said the Wings will win my 2 and if they WIN then I owe him $50 and if they win by 2 goals...an additional $20 for each goal. Trying to decide how I wanted to wager it a familiar 'jingle' was overheard as I knew it was my 'MusclePhone'. The first MusclePhone message said..."Phil Heath ate 4 solid meals today." The other message that came through said that ''Big Sean Allen stands at 6'2...NOT 6'1.'' An epiphany came over me and I decided to go with my gut and bet that the Hawks would win by FOUR...and the exact score would be Hawks-6, Wings-2. With calling the exact score the agreement was an additional $50.

 Well? It turns out after the game I was an extra $180 more rich as the Hawks whipped the Wings with a final score of 6-2.


 Thanks, Musclephone!

awsome story.

who are the hawks playing in the first round of the play offs?

great thread.
nasser=piece of shit

BFP

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Re: Your MusclePhone testimonies!
« Reply #89 on: April 04, 2008, 06:10:45 PM »
MusclePhone saved my life.

A few weeks ago me and my bros had just finished a brutal workout.  After finishing our 40 egg whites, 5 cups of rice and 8 bags of carrots as to not miss the "anabolic window" we were on our way. Already pumped and oiled from our workout session we decided to hit up the local GNC for some supps and hit up some fitness sluts.

We hopped into our rascal scooters (we had just trained legs and had to let them recover) and were flying down the sidewalk at 5 mph.  Out of nowhere a group of muscle bros dressed in v-tops, otomix shoes, American flag pants and a fanny pack came out of an alley.  Thinking that they were fellow warriors of the steel, we reached out our calloused hands in a show of solidarity with the iron.

One of them pulled a gun  out of their BSN ankle holster and yelled "Who the hell won the New Zealand Pro?". My mind racing, and sweat soaking my bandanna, I took a sip of water from my gallon jug of water.

Then out of the heavens came my Ronnie Coleman "light weight" ring tone. I feverishly took off my straps and flipped open the phone.  There it was, the NZ pro results straight to my MusclePhone. Telling this guy the results, he was elated being a huge Dexter Jackson fan. We performed dips on the sidewalk until failure and proceeded to GNC with our gold cards in hand for some discount supps.

Thanks MusclePhone!

There is a very real chance this is the most funny post Ive read here in quite a long time.

Jason

Howard

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Re: Your MusclePhone testimonies!
« Reply #90 on: April 04, 2008, 06:13:00 PM »
I just ended my muscle phone service, so I will end this one with: NO thanks musclephone :D

Blockhead

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Re: Your MusclePhone testimonies!
« Reply #91 on: April 09, 2008, 02:40:23 PM »
I just ended my muscle phone service, so I will end this one with: NO thanks musclephone :D
You're making a mistake. MusclePhone can align the planets and can cause universal harmony. I'd reconsider if I were you.
?

chris-a

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Re: MusclePhone TESTIMONIES!
« Reply #92 on: April 11, 2008, 05:23:45 PM »
standing in the $20 thousand kitchen in one of my $1.5 million plus homes, my only thought was 'it can't get any fukkin' worse' , where only moments earlier i'd been perfecting my new 'best conditioned' pop/lock posedown moves in the harsh halogen down-lights, all i could see now was a harsher reality written in stark black ink stating, 'due to attitude issues pumidas regrets we are unable to offer you the $5 million contract you have requested for you services' or some such FUKKIN' BULLSHIT from some FUKKIN' PENCILNECK MUTHAFUKKA. just then the phone rang, it's my darling barbarella, at least something good in my life can happen today 'champ, it's bad news, shittycorp have had to let me go due to some 'global credit crisis' or something, i dunnno, and the cleaning department is the first to get cutbacks - how we gonna afford the new rims for the hummer your daddy lent you?' no! this can't be happening to me, the great champ chumpali! i need more time to show the peanut gallery my trophy winning camera fone pictures - god, i beg you, show me a sign to carry on and prove to the world that upping the doseage for another year *can* overcome genetics - please lord...
 just then, my other celly, which i only use for ordering my cell-tech supps starts beeping madly, i flip it open, suddenly my life snaps back into focus, more so than ever before as i read:

"craig titus drops soap - again"

thanks MUSCLEPHONE!

Blockhead

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Re: MusclePhone TESTIMONIES!
« Reply #93 on: April 11, 2008, 05:47:59 PM »

 Great testimony! I don't know what the hell you're talking about but nevertheless, a great testimony.


 A friend of mine called me and told me a great MusclePhone testimony today. She was in the gym deadlifting and woke up today very stiff and sore. She had a hard-time standing up straight and even getting up out of bed. It was a pain she has never felt before so immediately her mind starts racing as she thinks maybe she popped or pulled something she may regret because her training will be hindered.

 She checks herself into a hospital and the doctors were baffled. They couldn't figure it out. After many hours in CAT scan, MRI and XRay the doctors still couldn't diagnose the situation and didn't know how to treat her. Then and there her cell phone jingles with a new TEXT MESSAGE. As she anxiously scavanged through her purse to check to see if it was a new MusclePhone message she flipped her phone open and to her glee she read outloud..."Valium and Vicodin may inhibit severe muscle soreness and inflammation."

 Her doctors, completely blown away from the news diagnosed her with 'simple muscle soreness' and sent her packing with a fresh prescription of vicodin and valium. Now she is at home sedated in a different state of mind unaware of her surrounding, soreness, train of thought and feeling no pain.


 Thanks, MusclePhone!
?

technokc

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Re: MusclePhone TESTIMONIES!
« Reply #94 on: April 11, 2008, 05:49:21 PM »
If you don't have a cell phone can musclephone news be delivered via fax, morse code, or messenger pigeon?

Blockhead

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Re: MusclePhone TESTIMONIES!
« Reply #95 on: April 11, 2008, 05:55:30 PM »
If you don't have a cell phone can musclephone news be delivered via fax, morse code, or messenger pigeon?
The question is now WHAT MusclePhone can do...it is WHAT IT CANNOT do.

 Some astro-physicists declare that MusclePhone will soon align the planets and cause inter-galactic harmony. True story!
?

G o a t b o y

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Re: MusclePhone TESTIMONIES!
« Reply #96 on: April 11, 2008, 06:03:07 PM »
The question is now WHAT MusclePhone can do...it is WHAT IT CANNOT do.


Musclephone does not sleep.  Musclephone waits!
Ron: "I am lazy."

G o a t b o y

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Re: MusclePhone TESTIMONIES!
« Reply #97 on: April 11, 2008, 06:03:41 PM »
Musclephone counted to infinity - twice!
Ron: "I am lazy."

G o a t b o y

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Re: MusclePhone TESTIMONIES!
« Reply #98 on: April 11, 2008, 06:04:34 PM »
Musclephone can slam a revolving door.
Ron: "I am lazy."

G o a t b o y

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Re: MusclePhone TESTIMONIES!
« Reply #99 on: April 11, 2008, 06:05:28 PM »
Musclephone can divide by zero!
Ron: "I am lazy."