uberman could you recommend some good reading material for me / us
lot of psychology books in french not translated in english unfortunately. I'm pretty sure there are equivalent in english by english speaking authors.
But in english there s this book from david burns aside of the encyclopedias i m studying;
again as i mentionned it earlier on here anyone can read some great books just visiting his local library and hitting the psychology area. Again there's psychology and "psychology", do not read shitty books which are pseudo guides about how to get well in 2 lessons. Read some stuff that's been written by real psychologists.
Psychogenealogy and the repetition of life scenarios / behaviors / cognitive schemes inherited from caregivers in childhood are a must read to free yourself as much as you can from them after identifying them.
Absolutely all insecurities and bad cognitivo/behavioral patterns we suffer from as adults origin in the lack of a father figure (love/attachment/security/hope/trust) during childhood or psychological/physical violences from trusted caregivers during this step of the human development wathever your gender.
It's about figuring what you re reproducing, who taught it to you, and how to free yourself from it by replacing it with another scheme/pattern, a more adaptive one. We ve all been traumatized at some point and we re all suffering from these enkysted, hidden scars at some point. It becomes really nasty when we reproduce them and hurt other people. I'm in no way talking about changing who you are, who you were , what you can do from scratch, i.m talking about knowing what you re suffering from and it doesnt mean automatically you re going to solve it in your lifetime. But it's a first step.
Read about schema therapy, psychogenealogy, cognitivo behaviorial therapies, and reading about some basic buddhism stuff (art of hapiness by howard ...Cutler) also. But dont get in buddhism too deep cause it's simply not adaptated to us occidentals -and even to asians- anymore. It's just to understand the principle of interdependancy between everything.
We re not all equals in terms of reading/understanding capacities, but what you read is stocked in your memory and even if you dont get something right now it will be stored for later so no read is useless, the way the puzzles builds himself -for how seeks informations/pieces actively- works the same for everyone, that's the funny of it.
I absolutely dont think that having troubles dating women means you re homosexual. It just means you have troubles understanding relationships between men and women because, 99.99999 % of the time your own parents broke their union in the past, shattering the normal development of your psychism into pieces -no union- and as a result the way you think /you interact with others.
Im certain there are a lot of women interested in jhonny but he just ignore them. That's because obviously there are some things about the principle of reality he still didnt get, and it's not even his fault, it's because of what he learnt - or what he DIDNT LEARN- from his father or friends who replaced his father figure -poorly-.
Another very common problem is when your own family is actually not beneficial to your well being, when people want to manipulate/hurt you because themselves have been manipulated/hurt by their own parents/grandparents. It'S very difficult to cut yourself from this influence -often he only one you ever knew- which in itself is reasuring because it is original. Often brothers, sisters, cousins ,parents grandparents all participate in keeping a system the way it always worked because it is beneficial to them even if it isnt for someone else in the family.
At this point you need to find valuable help from someone who s outside of your family and will bring you an objective view about things= a psychologist.
A last basic tip; pick girls of your age, of your social condition, and who shares similar enemies/problems that need to be solved with you. This is balance. No clear, definitive unhealthy domination from anyone.
The only absolute is that everything is relative, and that by doing good things you get good things in return. Like it or not it's how it works. Be benevolent and be subtle, moderate, balanced. Do not talk too much if you have nothing to say, and dont hide insecurities with overcompensating behaviors; just tone them down.
We are all the same and going thru exactly the same steps in our individual developments. We re just at different levels /steps, because we all had a different education. There are only immature and mature people. Immature people hurt themselves and others because they dont know how to interact differently, because they learnt their behaviors from people who themselves were hurt.
That's the only difference between humans; their level of maturity in the understanding of life. There are immature people in their 50s, 60s. Be careful about that. Being old doesnt mean being wise.
Im also pretty sure johnny like most guys his age must be bored beyond belief to feed themselves with crap all day long since years. They could do so much better. but problem is that often they have a very low self esteem because they ve been abandonned by their fathers and think that they re not worth it. That if their own father thought they werent worth raising /spending time with -increasing their odds of survival by interacting with them and sharing strategies of survival- most people must think the same... even themselves after a while. Loved kids become loving and lovable adults, unloved kids become unlovable and unable to love adults. You can only repeat what you ve learned, not what you DIDNT learn.
Fact is most people (men women in their 20/30s) have laregely enough intelectual ressources to study, get a better education or understandting of life, and could land decent women to go thru life with. And become significant individuals and contributors to the society that spawned them.
