Suicide - would you ever consider it?

[wes]

Omg, there's a name for it! I have nightmares about being late for work. I used to have panic attacks when I work in the evening too. It's a lot better now.

I've felt suicidal all my life. Now it's mostly something that comes and goes. I just bought a house, have a secure and well paying job (but it's stressful as fuck). I tried meds that made me numb but more suicidal so I started mediating and reading lots about philosophy which helped.

It's hard to forget about the long run when the depression consumes you. Tren can sometimes make me feel suicidal. And I have chronic migraines that cripple me and no one is compassionate or believes how much pain I'm in. I hide the pain because I hate how people treat me knowing that I claim to have a neurological disease but not fucking believing me. Not looking for sympathy but just want people to realize I'm not superman just because I'm always so positive and always there for people. I wish they didn't think so highly of me because it's stressful.

I just took out a new life insurance policy so my wife can pay the mortgage and tuition if and when I kill myself. I'm a happy guy otherwise but I had a sick and twisted childhood (nothing happened like rape or anything) so I was scarred at a young age. I've been staying to drink and take my wife's narcotics because my migraine prescription is over a thousand bucks a month which I can't afford or tolerate paying. She has a sick pile from her car accident that really stressed me the fuck out. Double the responsibly because of her injury and the settlement took 4 years. An ex friend wanted to testify against my wife to fuck us over so we had to settle for shut. Spent dozens of thousands on her rehab and worked overtime and took care of her without complaining. I massage her foot a couple hours everyday and help rehab her back. It's tough.

My only concern is hurting my family. My wife is great buy she doesn't understand my disease and drives me insane sometimes. I was thinking of doing some things to set them up for life monetarily before I do anything. I'm feeling good now but when my demons come out I crumble.

Ironic thing is that I've mentored people and have done suicide prevention volunteer work. I've coached lots of people in my position but the migraines suck the life out of me and make me miserable. I can have them for days on end and it's literally torture.

 lol didn't mean to rant too much but I've prepared letters for my family in my head a million times over and now I recite things I'd want to share with you guys for if and when I decide to take that path. Thought I'd share it now just in case I go insane and hit that point of no return.

We must be related holmes!

[wes]

STAY STRONG BTW............better days will come some fucking day!! 

[Primemuscle]

I always envied people who seem content and happy most of the time.

The nerve of some people to actually enjoy their lives!!  

Some say "whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger."  According to my family, I had a really fucked up childhood. The first 8 years of my life, I lived with just about every relative who would have me and a few hired caregivers. Can you believe it actually shocked me to hear from a cousin when I was an adult that everyone thought of me as a "poor abandoned orphan child." I remember my early childhood experiences as being rich with experience. After all, I lived all over the world, learned to speak French and German, traveled overseas on the SS ile de France where I ate at the captain's table with my grandmother and was spoiled with gifts all the time.

It irks me when folks complain about their dysfunctional childhoods. Sure some people did have it rough growing up....but not everyone who thinks they did.

[Wolfsanglerune]

STAY STRONG BTW............better days will come some fucking day!! 

i hope your right.i have moments where all the light that was there was long behind me.

[ryanm5593]

No.  There is always hope. Lack of hope is the greatest sin. Never lose hope. Watch LOTG.

[Ron]

how can you judge that.  it's up to everybody to decide what they want to do with their life. lets say, his ULTIMATE goal in life, was to have a great family.
boom his ex divorces him, fucks up what's the most important thing to him.  dude feels like he fucked his life up, decides he doesn't want to live anymore. sad for the kids but that's his decision, it's better to just let it go and die than to endure a life you don't want anymore and end up doing crazy shit like killing your children, ex-wife or whatever

Still pathetic and fucked up.  So his ex-wife divorces him... Dude feels like he fucked his life up.  He may not want to live this day or week, but things can get better.  50% of people get divorced. People loses their jobs, houses, savings.  And you know what - for many of them, they get remarried, they find something else to enjoy, they work back up.

This isnt a 80 year old person who is terminal with cancer, etc.  He is selfish.  Sad for the kids?  Seriously? Screw the kids up because he wants to kill himself.  Bottom line, it is fucked, and they need help.

[tbombz]

Still pathetic and fucked up.  So his ex-wife divorces him... Dude feels like he fucked his life up.  He may not want to live this day or week, but things can get better.  50% of people get divorced. People loses their jobs, houses, savings.  And you know what - for many of them, they get remarried, they find something else to enjoy, they work back up.

This isnt a 80 year old person who is terminal with cancer, etc.  He is selfish.  Sad for the kids?  Seriously? Screw the kids up because he wants to kill himself.  Bottom line, it is fucked,


and they need help.

^ just stick with that sentiment and forget the rest of it.

thank me later.   

[pillowtalk]

I agree bro........my mother in law always asks me why I get depressed, and says she has never been depressed before.

Lying old bitch!! 

It affects everyone of us at one time or another,some more than others.

I have met people who say they have NEVR been depressed "life is a blessing that we should honor daily" - I just think - "are you fooling your-slef with that shit, as you are not fooling any-one over 8 years old with that bollx". People 

PT

[Bad Boy Dazza]

To anyone who has never seriously considered suicide kill yourself now. I was thinking about it for a couple of years had a sleep disorder, no other way around it. Luckly I got it fixed, but otherwise I most likely would of drowned myself in a canoe.

P.S. if you get on with all this crap about being selfish, you have no fucking clue what it actually means to want to kill yourself. Also just because it's a suicide don't mean you gotta go about it like a whinny bitch. Rent a canoe, drink as much beer as you can and tip the thing. Where I grew up it happened all the time, everyone just assumes their idiots reality is there far more clever than most realize.

Well, dear, you clearly have no idea what you are talking about.  I have lived through more shit than most people will ever know or can even begin to understand.  And yes I have thought about it over the years.

AND IT IS STILL A COWARDLY AND SELFISH ACT.

So go fuck a sheep or something.

[aesthetics]

i often contemplate suicide at the prospects of losing my hair. damn, i can't live in a world where i'm bald.

[Bad Boy Dazza]

written by a christian who believes in fairy tales.

Written by a fool.

Read my post above and STFU.

[Primemuscle]

i hope your right.i have moments where all the light that was there was long behind me.

It is always darkest before the dawn. Hang in there when lights feel like they've gone out....just a momentary power outage. The light will return.

[io856]

i often contemplate suicide at the prospects of losing my hair. damn, i can't live in a world where i'm bald.

you got some issues man

since its most likely inevitable in your case... perhaps work on viewing it as an extension of your masculinity

[aesthetics]

naw, it grows back when i'm off gear because my test production is so bad, but 300mg of test-prop and my hair is falling out, lol. what horrible genetics to have.

[pillowtalk]

I would NEVER consider it.  If there are people who love you out there, or care about you, doing something like that is pathetic, selfish and fucks up many people, more than they ever think.  You always have good days and bad days.  It sucks.  And unfortunately, it affects a lot of people.  Especially when they hurt more than themselves.

Don't forget about Dave Jacobs, who killed a beautiful girl and someone people cared about because he couldnt deal with shit, and then killed himself.

A few months ago, an ex-coworker of mine, who worked with me for 4 years a long time ago, killed himself.  Hanged. WTF?  My age.  The guy had two kids, a young daughter, age 5.  WTF was he thinking? Because he was going through a divorce. Because his ex was driving him crazy? Never one did he stop to think about his kids, and how much they loved him, and how they will have to live with this ever day on what he did.   Bobb Giacobbe was his name.  One of our first sales rep.  Was things that bad in life?

And then there was Figure Olympia Jennifer Gates, who was separated and getting a divorce from her husband, who also killed himself too.  WTF? They had a daughter too.  Pure selfish acts.  Jennifer has since remarried and the son and daughter in a loving family home.


So if you know someone who is even contemplating it, urge them get talk it out, to anyone - because often, they are in a state of depression that is very hard to get out of at that moment.

Not often I see the Ronistrator, in a thread.
Had a double take moment there when I went back to check page x3.

PT

[io856]

naw, it grows back when i'm off gear because my test production is so bad, but 300mg of test-prop and my hair is falling out, lol. what horrible genetics to have.

what if you eliminate test from your cycles?

[Bad Boy Dazza]

If your life isn't worth living, MAKE IT WORTH LIVING.  Let you time here be something that leaves a mark of honour and dignity.  Stop thinking about what great things you can't do, and toughen the fuck up and start doing some good things for yourself, however modest thay may be,, and God forbid... do something good FOR OTHERS, help the old lady, give the hungry man some food.  

[aesthetics]

falls out from everything, even using finasteride with test, it some how makes it worse.

200mg of tren a week and barely any hairloss though, and i can even regrow some sections of my hair  

[Primemuscle]

I just took out a new life insurance policy so my wife can pay the mortgage and tuition if and when I kill myself.

....My only concern is hurting my family.

....I was thinking of doing some things to set them up for life....

....I've prepared letters for my family in my head a million times over and now I recite things I'd want to share with you guys for if and when I decide to take that path. Thought I'd share it now just in case I go insane and hit that point of no return.

Suicide voids life insurance. You don't want to leave your family flat.

Obviously you don't want to hurt your family and you will if you take your own life.

If you want to set them up for life, be there for them.

If your being serious here, get professional help. You're asking for it from people who really can't provide it to you.

I am no expert, but you seem to be expecting too much of yourself. No one is perfect. Your family loves you just as you are.

[pillowtalk]

Still pathetic and fucked up.  So his ex-wife divorces him... Dude feels like he fucked his life up.  He may not want to live this day or week, but things can get better.  50% of people get divorced. People loses their jobs, houses, savings.  And you know what - for many of them, they get remarried, they find something else to enjoy, they work back up.

This isnt a 80 year old person who is terminal with cancer, etc.  He is selfish.  Sad for the kids?  Seriously? Screw the kids up because he wants to kill himself.  Bottom line, it is fucked, and they need help.

I don't think you will ever understand suicide until you live in India.
People drop like flies here from suicide, the trains in Mumbai, is a common way to do it. Life for the untermenschen, can get pretty grim here.


Mumbai: Bodies being wheeled out from railway platforms has become a common feature on Mumbai's suburban railway station.

A Right To Information (RTI) query has recently revealed that 20,000 people died on Mumbai railway tracks in the past five years.

That means over 4000 people per year and, on an average, 10 people per day.

PT

[io856]

I don't think you will ever understand suicide until you live in India.
People drop like flies here from suicide, the trains in Mumbai, is a common way to do it. Life for the untermenschen, can get pretty grim here.


Mumbai: Bodies being wheeled out from railway platforms has become a common feature on Mumbai's suburban railway station.

A Right To Information (RTI) query has recently revealed that 20,000 people died on Mumbai railway tracks in the past five years.

That means over 4000 people per year and, on an average, 10 people per day.

PT

holy shit 

[Primemuscle]

I don't think you will ever understand suicide until you live in India.
People drop like flies here from suicide, the trains in Mumbai, is a common way to do it. Life for the untermenschen, can get pretty grim here.


Mumbai: Bodies being wheeled out from railway platforms has become a common feature on Mumbai's suburban railway station.

A Right To Information (RTI) query has recently revealed that 20,000 people died on Mumbai railway tracks in the past five years.


That means over 4000 people per year and, on an average, 10 people per day.

PT

What percentage of those are suicides, accidents and homicide? Surely you aren't suggesting all of them are incidences of suicide.

Glad I don't live where you do. It doesn't sound like a paradise.

[Primemuscle]

i often contemplate suicide at the prospects of losing my hair. damn, i can't live in a world where i'm bald.

Who knows, you may actually look like an adult. 

[pillowtalk]

holy shit 

They are not all suicied. Although, they do like to keep shtum, about the number who are.
The other most common is falling off a train, the doors are always open (between stations) & they are so packed at 'rush hour' that people are hanging out of them.
I was right near to a guy last year that was screaming "I am slipping, I am slipping" (the hand grips are greasy as fuck & covered in sweat).
He didn't make the next station.That is the risk you take here, get in a packed train & you might not get home

[Primemuscle]

They are not all suicied. Although, they do like to keep shtum, about the number who are.
The other most common is falling off a train, the doors are always open (between stations) & they are so packed at 'rush hour' that people are hanging out of them.
I was right near to a guy last year that was screaming "I am slipping, I am slipping" (the hand grips are greasy as fuck & covered in sweat).
He didn't make the next station.That is the risk you take here, get in a packed train & you might not get home

Makes Portland's mass transit, the Max seem like first class commuting.

Recently, a 14 year old girl was beat on by three other girls while riding the Max. The saddest part of that event was that no one stepped in to help her. Instead, someone actually took a video of it on their phone and posted it on Youtube. Of course it went viral! Human nature sucks, doesn't it?

Anyway, no one is hanging out the doors which are closed before the train moves on the Max.

Personally, I don't use public transportation. Years ago, when I worked downtown, if I didn't drive and pay an arm and a leg to park my car, I rode my bicycle. Anything to avoid taking the bus.