THE DATING GAME!Hello!!!!!! Welcome to the Dating Game. I, your host, Chuck Woolery, would just love to introduce you to the three gentlemen who will try to win the heart of our lovely young lady. Everyone please welcome
I-Date-for-Sushi-Girl!!!! (the audience erupts in applause)
Now, I-Date-for-Sushi-Girl will have three fine young men to choose from today. But first, let me tell you a little something about each one.
Will it be...
Bachelor Number One! This hirsute rent boy is about to graduate with a degree of little worth, but don't let that dissuade you, he more than makes up for it with his rich, first-hand grasp of gayconomics. A gifted ployglot, he can say, "Yeah, fuck my ass. Oh, shit!!" in 64 languages.
Or,
Bachelor Number Two! This masculine chap stands a solid 6' and is a lean 220. He admits that he doesn't have a career, doesn't have a job, doesn't own a car, and doesn't have a life, but you'll no doubt fall head over heels for his charming refrain of "wsup missy" followed by 25 smiley faces.

... on social media.
But maybe it'll be,
Bachelor Number Three! This devil may care,
joie de vivre baldy will own your mind from the four airts of the Carpathian mountains. Some people call him 'gypsy,' but he prefers 'bohemian.' He claims to be one of the last of the true polymaths, and he'll take a polygraph to prove it.
Now that you've met the candidates, it's time to play...
Gentlemen, say something for our lovely lady.
BACHELOR NUMBER ONE: (scooting his bottom on the seat in contrived Barry White voice) Hey, gurl. Holla! (smiles)
BACHELOR NUMBER TWO: (mugging for the camera but not sure whether he should grin) WSUP Missy! (texting

.... to himself

)
BACHELOR NUMBER THREE: (complete and total silence
stiff and unmoving, he's smiling with eyes closed and communicating through telepathy (he seems pleased)
I-Date-for-Sushi-Girl shrugs at Chuck

; Chuck shrugs back)