Too bad I didn't mentor you as a youngster. No condoms....shame, shame. Everyone knows about the "Insurance Policy". It's when you're about to bust, then plug her ass and let it rip. Aside from watching her squirm, it guarantees no whining kid...beautiful.
If one were so inclined, one could make a joke about being able to just "plug her ass."
You should have trouble just "plugging" a fine tight knotted female balloon knot with your pinky.
Again, I'm not a comedian, but I'd imagine one could make a joke that something is wrong if you can slide your wedding tackle in (lube-less no less) with little difficulty.