Geting married..Dumbest thing a man can do?

[Slapper]

IMHO the thread ought to be retitled to "Getting married..Dumbest thing a man and a woman can do?".

[calfzilla]

If getting married is the dumbest thing to do then ponder this:  I am single and very unhappy with life; so if I were to get married it would either make me happy or drive me to suicide. 

[Slapper]

If getting married is the dumbest thing to do then ponder this:  I am single and very unhappy with life; so if I were to get married it would either make me happy or drive me to suicide.

If that is the case then you need to contact a psychologist. Marriage ain't gonna do it.

Believe me, just because most of your friends got married doesn't mean 85% of them made the wrong decision in life.

100% of married couples wished they were single at one or more points during their marriage.

[big L dawg]

Oh, I wouldn't call that lashing out. If that were my intention then rest assured, right now, you'd be in a fetal position looking for your mother's tit.

ha ha...yea OK man....thats a start i guess....

What I'm talking about is marriage, not an ego battle. I'm not interested in that alpha male vs. beta male crap. If that's all you've got then maybe you should be talking about breeding dogs and wolves and stuff like that. If not, then let me reiterate to you that all the stuff that you do not expect from your female, the controlling behaviour, the avoidance of arguments, et cetera, creeps up on you. You never see this coming. Of course you have arguments with those family members that dislike you, that goes without saying (and you stop giving them money). The fact of the matter is that you start doing things on the "just do it for me honey" premise. Eventually you're putting up with some serious crap.

That's all dude.

 

I hear ya man and if you wanna continue being a submissive lap dog for your wife thats your prerogative...It's your life...You can tell yourself whatever you want to get threw the day & help you sleep at night....
your original post's sounded as if you needed some advice & or constructive criticism...but now that I see you just become defensive I think now you were just looking for someone to pat you on the back and tell you it will be OK.....so....it will be OK lil buddy....& I will end this conversation wishing you the best of luck....

[Slapper]

ha ha...yea OK man....thats a start i guess....

I hear ya man and if you wanna continue being a submissive lap dog for your wife thats your prerogative...It's your life...You can tell yourself whatever you want to get threw the day & help you sleep at night....
your original post's sounded as if you needed some advice & or constructive criticism...but now that I see you just become defensive I think now you were just looking for someone to pat you on the back and tell you it will be OK.....so....it will be OK lil buddy....& I will end this conversation wishing you the best of luck....

Come on dawg! Don't take it like that. Of course I appreciate your input! It's the delivery I'm trying to get used to.

I guess I've become a little passive and outsourced some of my control to my female... Which she's now using against me. It's all about little truces now. Eg: You put up with "Y" during Christmas and I promise you "X".

I guess you're right... in a way... It ought to be: "Y" ain't coming into my house and that's that.

Agreed.

Preach, brother, preach!

[Quickerblade]

If getting married is the dumbest thing to do then ponder this:  I am single and very unhappy with life; so if I were to get married it would either make me happy or drive me to suicide. 

you need to concentrate on other areas of your life zilla, many of my friends were like me, hitting on girls, training 5 days a week, joking around, positive about life then they got married and now they are really unhappy.

 4 out of 5 are on the verge of a breakdown, the other dude got the perfect girl, really sweet, polite, nice, she appreciates her husband and the things he does for her, to find a girl like that is hard zilla but hopefully you do, actually hopefully we all do.

these 4 other guys are run by there wives, there wives pick who comes over for there husbands bday party, the guy has no say.

[nzmusclemonster]

you need to concentrate on other areas of your life zilla, many of my friends were like me, hitting on girls, training 5 days a week, joking around, positive about life then they got married and now they are really unhappy.

 4 out of 5 are on the verge of a breakdown, the other dude got the perfect girl, really sweet, polite, nice, she appreciates her husband and the things he does for her, to find a girl like that is hard zilla but hopefully you do, actually hopefully we all do.

these 4 other guys are run by there wives, there wives pick who comes over for there husbands bday party, the guy has no say.

I gotta thank my friends who are in long term relationships/engaged/married. They have shown me beyond any shadow of a doubt that being with one chick is the stupidest thing a guy can do.

One of my mates was a pussy pulling machine. 5 one nights stands in 12 days. A record amongst my group. Now hes been with this chick for 2+ years and he is a broken man. He has no confidence anymore. His body language and persona has totally changed so now he constantly looks depressed. I hit him up about it one day and told him he needs to lose the chick..... surprise surprise he told me he is happier than he has ever been    I'm looking forward to a big 'I told you so' some day 

[Quickerblade]

I gotta thank my friends who are in long term relationships/engaged/married. They have shown me beyond any shadow of a doubt that being with one chick is the stupidest thing a guy can do.

One of my mates was a pussy pulling machine. 5 one nights stands in 12 days. A record amongst my group. Now hes been with this chick for 2+ years and he is a broken man. He has no confidence anymore. His body language and persona has totally changed so now he constantly looks depressed. I hit him up about it one day and told him he needs to lose the chick..... surprise surprise he told me he is happier than he has ever been    I'm looking forward to a big 'I told you so' some day 

I had a mate who matched that or maybe even beat it, but became a junkie, he 4 girls in one outing, and im sure he got 2 girls the next night, guy was the biggest pussy pulling machine i have even known, poor dude.

your mates a fucking loser, he should be running shit, he should be a real man and put his foot down, whats up with guys today??? they literally will give up happiness to live with a girl.

[calfzilla]

Off the top of my head, NONE of my friends are married. 

[Quickerblade]

Off the top of my head, NONE of my friends are married. 

there either very smart or very ugly...haahaahaha whatever you do i hope its for the best, but remember people change, nice one year, satan the next..females especially (no sexist)

[Earl1972]

there either very smart or very poor...haahaahaha whatever you do i hope its for the best, but remember people change, nice one year, satan the next..females especially (no sexist)

fixed

E

[Quickerblade]

fixed

E

nah there are plenty of rich lonely guys out there

[Earl1972]

nah there are plenty of rich lonely guys out there

i think there are more good looking lonely guys

must be very shy

E

[gordiano]

Some good points and wisdom in this post.
I agree with many of you.
There is NO benefit for men in marriage, EVER.
Never once in my life seen real happy couple, NEVER.
Seen tons of miserable ones including my parent and all of my relatives and friends.
Happy marriage is like a ghost that everyone talks about it yet NO ONE HAS SEEN IT!
I know there are happily married few.
I'm happy for them however not everyone is winning lottery.
The worst thing a man can do is getting married or having a child.
Again, I have to emphasize on this one that THERE IS NO BENEFIT FOR MEN IN MARRIAGE, NEVER, EVER, PERIOD!

LOL....I'll have to use that line.....

[theonlyone]

By all means marry! If you get a bad wide you will become a phylosopher which is not bat either

[Playboy]

The way I see it, there are at least 5 mistakes that usually spell DOOM to a marriage:

Mistake #1 - Shacking up. From what I've seen personally (and a few studies here and there), folks who shack up first are more likely to end up divorce than those who don't.

Mistake #2 - (Lack of) Marriage Counseling. I've often used the analogy this way: Marriage is to dating/having a girlfriend as winning the Super Bowl is to winning the NFC/AFC championship. The expectations go way up. It's a whole different level. That's why it's important to get marriage counseling. You have to know what the expectations are, for yourself and for your spouse. Some churches offer marriage counseling (in fact, some require it, before they'll perform the ceremony). The problem is that it's easily circumvented.

I don't know if there is a non-religious form of marriage counseling (for our non-Christians folks here; maybe some of these "humanist centers" provide something to that effect); but, preparation for what should be the biggest step in your life puts you on the inside track to a successful marriage.

Mistake #3 - Unrealistic expectations. You aren't Superman; your wife-to-be ain't Wonder Woman. Too many people have skeletons in their closet and jacked up homes and problems. They expect their wives/husbands to deliver them from the demons of the past. And when they can't, it's divorce time. As one pastor said so eloquently, "If you don't bring happiness into a marriage, you will not get happiness in a marriage". Contrary to that corny like in "Jerry Macquire", you can't complete your wife and your wife can't complete you.

Mistake #4 - Lack of Forgiveness and Humility. Sometimes, you'll be right and sometimes, you'll be wrong. Don't lord your wife's mistakes over her, because Lord knows you won't like it, if she does the same to you (when you screw up). If you're going to forgive her, then do just that: Forgive her and move forward.

Mistake #5: Financial irresponsibilty. Call me old-fashioned. But, I still believe the husband is the leader of the home and it is HIS responsibility to take care of his family (whether his wife works or not). And, the key word is LEADER, not tyrant, not overlord. With that said, making financial decisions, without your wife's counsel, is just plain DUMB. I know personally, I've saved myself a lot of headache, by listening to my wife's advice, before making certain decisions. You may not always agree. But, it's about working together. My wife has not worked full-time in over 5 years (partially, because we have 4-year old daughter). She wants to be home with her; and I want my baby girl to be with her mother, NOT at a day care center.

If both wife and husband work, the goal should be to make that you can live comfortably on ONE salary. If it takes both salaries to get by, chances are you are living WAY beyond your means, a potentially DEADLY scenario (especially in this economy).

That's my take on the situation. If you look at some failed marriages, more often than not, the issues I've listed are part of the reason those nuptials have gone south.

Edit - There's also that phrase, "You can't make a 'ho' a housewife". Sometimes, we guys make HORRIBLE choices for girlfriends. If you can't bring her home to Mom and Dad, if you can't see spending the next 50 years with her, if you can't see her being the mother of your children or representing you by carrying YOUR LAST NAME, if something tells you that she isn't wifey material.....END THE RELATIONSHIP (I don't care how round her booty is, or how huge her breastists be). As it says in Proverbs, "Charm is deceitful; and beauty is fleeting". You get a girl with a flawed character and destructive nature, and you'll be utterly MISERABLE, no matter how fine she is.

An excellent post and dead on balls accurate.

[Parker]

Come on dawg! Don't take it like that. Of course I appreciate your input! It's the delivery I'm trying to get used to.

I guess I've become a little passive and outsourced some of my control to my female... Which she's now using against me. It's all about little truces now. Eg: You put up with "Y" during Christmas and I promise you "X".

I guess you're right... in a way... It ought to be: "Y" ain't coming into my house and that's that.

Agreed.

Preach, brother, preach!

You see this is rule # 1...What happen to the friendship in a marriage, or before it? One shouldn't be dealing with mini-truces, mini-truces, means mini-wars, or one is doing it so that a war will not break out.

[just_a_pilgrim]

One of my mates was a pussy pulling machine. 5 one nights stands in 12 days. A record amongst my group. Now hes been with this chick for 2+ years and he is a broken man. He has no confidence anymore. His body language and persona has totally changed so now he constantly looks depressed. I hit him up about it one day and told him he needs to lose the chick..... surprise surprise he told me he is happier than he has ever been    I'm looking forward to a big 'I told you so' some day 

He's doing what he thinks is expected of him. He would need to get married and divorced in order for it to clear his mind that it is bullshit.

While i think marriage is bullshit, i have some good friends now who are Mormans and obviously they are all still together. I always have a great time when i hang out with them so who knows maybe they have it right? Apart from the whole believing in God bullshit. Shame, his sister is pretty good 

[jtsunami]

great thread, today's woman aren't worth marrying anymore, it use to make sense to get married, woman would clean the house, take care of kids if you had them, always have a nice hot meal when you got home, now days, that shit is gone, and the only thing the bring to the table is sex, and that is hardly worth sneezing at since you can count on a year or so after you get married she will ballon up and you won't really be wanting to flop around with a walrus anymore.

[jtsunami]

I love how I'm seeing so many posts about women using men for $$$.  I can't even tell you how many men do exactly the same thing.  I've had 2 men in my life that tried to sponge off me (no, didn't marry either one and no, neither were Mike  ) Hell the gym I go to has 4 men that I know personally and are living off women...that's just one gym.  So that line goes both ways...and those are bad people (IMO).  Obviously not every relationship is going to be "the one".  We go through trials and tribulations but some get very lucky and find the right one.  The one who walks with us, not in front of us or behind us.  Some people just rush into things.  I've done it.  Thought it was what I wanted...who I wanted but things changed.  My first marriage ended because I grew up and he didn't.  The second one ended because he "thought" the grass was green on the other side (had an affair with a 20 yr old...we were both 40).  He thought he could relive his youth with her and left me only to have her dump him right after.  She was one of those bad people and he found out the grass wasn't green on that side.  

It all comes down to the individual, not the gender.

And to Steel-Lucifuge...if the guys follow your rule...the human race would end (no children...are you serious?)

wow that is just tragic I tell ya, and the remaining 196 men who go to your gym have woman who are living off them, let's not pretend men are somehow living off women these days, just isn't happening, maybe below 5%.  The other 95% are men who have women living off of them.

[jtsunami]

I rather be alone even in my old age.
I don't even care if I could not get laid anymore.
Sex is the only thing women can offer and they use it like a weapon.
So fuck them if they don't want to sleep with me anymore.
I will never sign that contract of death/suicide (marriage) even if that means I will never get laid.
Fuck that shit.

hey bro don't worry i hear whores will always agree

[jtsunami]

I guess my question to the more cynical guys is this...

Are you going to be happy when you're old and alone?  I mean, I can see how much fun it is to be single and young, but there's not much of a "young hot ass" market for the over-55 set...

not everybody needs to feel loved or around a woman 24/7 man, you can be happy, happy with yourself, really you should be happy with just yourself first, then move on to finding a woman, because relying on woman for happiness is disaster.  Just get whores if you get old and don't want to fuck with the old bitches.

[James28]

I guess I'm going against all advice here and getting married to my girlfriend of 9 years this coming summer. Her parents are very wealthy and bought us a house which is on HER name so I'm not losing any money if everything fucks up. I have an apartment I bought with my own money which is on my brother's name ... just in case. I mean, I've known her for close to 15 years and been with her for 9, but you NEVER truly know them 100% hence the fact I'm walking into this with my eyes wide open. I'm happy to commit to a life with her but I'm ready to land on my feet and some broad's fanny if it does work out.

[MCWAY]

Well, there's a saying that goes, Before you criticize your wife's fault, remember that it was those faults that kept her from finding a better husband.

[loco]

My last long term relationship lasted 5 years. for the last 3.5 of those we never had sex and the last 18 months I NEVER touched her once or even kissed her once. We both preferred it that way. Funnily enough, it worked. She lived at my place for free going to university full time. She also took care of all the home duties, cleaning, cooking and shopping.... with my money off course. I also gave her a weekly allowance and paid most of her bills. We never really argued, but never really talked either. I wouldn't say she was like a surrogate mother, she just preferred doing her 'female duty' as she put it. As long as I did my 'male duty' by bringing home the bacon. I ended it because I thought there simply MUST be more to a relationship than just mutual symbiosis and co-existing in this strange loveless, passionless package that somehow 'worked'.
I wanted excitement and that head over heels passion a new girl can bring. Guess what, I've only found one #### after another. Lying, trying to get money out of me. I went to pick up this girl for a date once from her mom's house. She only brought out her suitcase with her and asked if she could stay with me for a few weeks since her asshole boyfriend keeps coming round to her house....

Sometimes I think I should try and get back with the ex to have a peaceful and comfortable home life again, and just agree that we both are allowed to have affairs, but not bring it home. Yes, fucked up, but that is the world we live in.

Interesting story!