I have cheated on one woman and the only one that counted meaning my ex-wife. So those things I said was from personal experience. I'd never do again. It eats at you. Even whores. What destroyed me was that I violated trust and loyalty. You cant get that back. She didn't deserve it. I got what I deserved when it happened to me. Not a good feeling to say the least. It's another reason I'd never do it again. It's a different level of emotional pain. I'd only wish it on my enemies.
The funny thing is that I tell that to women all the time; if you know a guy is a cheater then he will cheat on you, because once he knows he can deal with the fallout, he has no reason to stay faithful. I was DMing about this with another member here awhile ago.
The thing is, when you cheated, you knew it was going to painful for your wife. You knew it was going to be the biggest strain on your marriage. Her reaction didn't shock you. You didn't have to go through it to know that it was something she wasn't going to take well. My point here is that when you are in it, when you are feeling like you are on that precipice, you come up with all kinds of bullshit to balance the scales. I appreciate the thoughtful answer you gave, but it's all logic. and you understand that when you are on that precipice, logic kinda falls apart. I felt like I put up with so much bullshit for ass when I was in my 20s, and literally seconds after climaxing I would be like "hmm, this is it?" From an objective standpoint, it seems hard to believe pursuit of that feeling can be such a powerful force. But it is. It builds civilizations and empires.
For so long, what you posted was my baseline, but I have been struggling for the last few months. Fortunately, up until now, I have kept coming back to the logical conclusion that I want my life to stay like it is, but you know that's not the issue. The issue in the moment isn't how much pain I could potentially cause my wife, but how easy it would be for her to never know. It's not how big of a deal it would be to the sanctity of marriage, but how it's just this little thing that shouldn't mean anything. I can clearly see how different my view of things would be on different sides.